It's about time...

Goodness, I created this blog thing forever ago, and I'm just now writing in it. It only took me about ten minutes to even get to this page. I still have yet to figure out how this site works.

I'll be honest though, I've been planning out my first blog for weeks now, always with good intentions of going home and writing it. But for some reason, it was always intimidating to me. Like I had to write my testimony or some sort of introduction to start the whole thing off - as if a bunch of strangers were really desperate to know about me or something...? Weirdo.

So, no testimony or life story. Just an update for my friends and family that are scattered across the world. Since I'm absolutely terrible at staying in touch over the phone (I'm sorry!).

I'm back in Bellingham (once again), getting reconnected with the world and wrestling with God about why I'm not in the mission field right now. Things aren't terrible by any means - I love Bellingham. I'm just restless for my next adventure.

But being back home always gives me time to reflect. I can't believe the absolute turn around my life has been through in the last year. A year ago I was sitting in Starbucks with Stephanie, talking about our dreams of traveling the world, working with people of other cultures, and having our chance to be missionaries. We're both MK's (missionary kids) and we had dreams of doing it on our own, too. And now, I'm sitting in Starbucks thinking over all the places I've been this last year, all the people I've met, and the journey that God and I are on together. And Stephanie is traveling through South America after spending the last six months in Africa. I just can't believe how real everything became. I never thought I could do it. But God has provided immensely and I have been blessed beyond words to have experienced everything in this last year.

I know God brings me back to Bellingham for a reason. And I really do love it here. This is where all of my childhood memories are and even after seeing a lot of the world, I'm convinced that Bellingham is the most beautiful place in the world. And God's still teaching me a lot - daily. It's just me thats anxious to get back out. My heart is really for serving people. I love seeing other cultures - but more than anything I love how my eyes are opened in new ways everytime I travel. This world has so much to teach me and I'm ready for it.

Being in Salem, really gave me a lot of my passion back. There are so many injustices in this world - and I want to spend the rest of my life fighting them.

Okay - for the real update: I'm leaving for Guatemala in September for six months!! After my two week visit there last spring, my heart and mind have constantly been on the people of that ravaged country (sounds so dramatic, doesn't it?). While I was there, I had the opportunity to go back to Kairo's house, a home that houses children and their families that are undergoing treatment for cancer. As you can imagine, it's an easy place for the enemy to bring in a strong spirit of hopelessness. My parent's youth pastor, Oscar, and I brought his guitar and led worship for them - and it was the first time I'd seen those children genuinly joyful. And since then I can't help but think, it really can be that easy. We sang a couple of songs and that alone gave God the room to move. These beautiful children have been forced to sacrifice so much and yet they still have the strength to rely on God and get their hope from him. Sometimes I think they have more wisdom at the age of 4 than I have at the age of 20.

I'm really excited to get back down there. The plan is to spend a month in language school in Antigua and then spend five months living and working at Oasis - a womens and children shelter. I'm so excited for what they're going to teach me - and all of the ways God is going to grow me through this experience.

So, I'm home - working five days a week and trying to raise support for my six months in Guatemala. I'm at that point again where I look around and can't even imagine how I'm going to get all of that money - but the Lord is our provider. All of the money in the world is His.

ANNNNNND (I've gotta write about this)....one of my dreams is coming true! Ever since I've come home from my DTS, I've wanted everyone I've ever known to do one! DTS changed my life in ways I could never explain. God captured me in ways I never thought possible. And when I first got home last February, my boyfriend, Sergei, told me, "I could never do what you did. I could never move somewhere and live with a bunch of people that I don't know." But God has been really working in his heart, and Sergei has been accepted to a DTS in Nashville, TN and he'll be leaving in September also!! So, we're both spending our summer's support raising and preparing for the next adventures God has planned for us. I am so excited for all that God is going to do in Sergei's life. So, I'd like to ask YOU to be praying for Sergei as he prepares to go. That God will provide the finances and really be preparing his heart in these last few months.

................I'm really boring, aren't I? I've never really been all that much of a writer.

"Wild Horses" by Natasha Bedingfield has been my "song of inspiration" for the last couple of weeks. It's been on repeat the entire time I've been writing this blog, actually.

I see the girl I wanna be
Riding bare-back, care-free
Along the shore
If only that someone was me
Jumping head-first, head-long
Without a thought
To act and damn the consequences
How I wish it could be that easy
But fear surrounds me like a fence
I wanna break free
All I want is the wind in my hair
To face the fear, but not feel scared
Oooh, wild horses I wanna be like you
Throwing caution to the wind, I'll run free too
Wish I could recklessly love like I'm longing to
I wanna run with the wild horses

I so often do that - have this picture of who I want to be in my mind but keep pushing it off. "Oh, I'll be like that someday, after I grow up and stuff." How stupid.

I'm so cautious - too cautious. Ever since coming home from DTS, I've really struggled with accepting myself. I've had this false pride that I'm just never good enough. Before DTS, I had loads of best friends. I had the energy of a five year old that never sleeps. I knew where all the good parties were, my phone was always ringing - I really believed that I had my life together. I thought I knew where I was going and what I was doing. But things changed after I really gave my life over to God during DTS. I knew I needed to change. I found myself really lonely for the first couple of months - and if I'm honest, I know it's really my fault. I could have made more of an effort to go be with all of my old friends - but... I don't know. I just didn't feel any need to go to another party. But mostly, I felt like none of them wanted me too. I beat myself up over the few times my old friends have told me I'm "boring" now. People change - and I don't expect any sympathy from anyone from what happened, I've just found it hard to pick myself up after it.

Things have been looking up though. I've learned how to recognize when the enemy is really fighting against me to tell me I'm not good enough. And when I look back on it, I know it has really drawn me closer to God. I've had to stop relying on what people think of me to get my self worth - instead I've had to rely on how God views me.



Thats enough of me today. Now, that I've gotten the first one out of the way - it'll be much easier for me to update my friends and family more often, especially when I'm in Guatemala. I'd love to hear from anyone and everyone! :) Love you all.

Blessings,
Kimberly