Suffering for Jesus?

I just thought this was worthy of mentioning...

Becky and I have been extremely grateful that God has kept us healthy while we've been here at the Oasis. We didn't really realize how grateful we were until we had to be tia's in the green house one weekend and saw the meat for lunch just sitting on the counter. Raw beef, with raw chicken ON TOP OF IT, just sitting on the counter. It had already been there for a good 15 hours or so. That seems... sanitary. And then we experienced the art of "less is more" by skipping the use of plates and bowls as much as possible and just putting everything directly on the grates in the fridge, grates in the oven, and directly on the spinny-wheel thingy in the microwave. How often are they santized? Unknown. Vegetables and fruits? Unwashed. Bring it on. Stomachs of steel.

Oscar came up on Thursday to play with the girls for the afternoon. He stayed to eat dinner in the blue house with me and my ninas - and turns out this "true Guatemalan" got sick. He's pretty much a gringo. And we'll probably never let him live it down.

Oh, also. We have fleas. And I'm not talking fleas in the grass - straight up FLEA INFESTED APARTMENT. We are covered head to toe in this wonderful little itchy bumps. But in all honesty, we love our little cozy apartment and wouldn't change it for the world.

And all of the girls have lice... so it's really only a matter of time.

We love Guatemala :)

The CAM interns at CAM's Thanksgiving lunch extravaganza. It was awesome.

Oscar singing with the girls. (Notice the beautiful volcano through the window!)

It's a God thing...

A little over a week ago, I got a call from my Mom, telling me she had just found a note she wrote me on June 9th. As she read it to me, I couldn’t stop crying – because it was suddenly so obvious to me that God was in control. The words she wrote me on June 9th confirmed everything that’s happening right now is so right. And strangely enough, it answered a lot of questions I was asking God at that present time. In the note she said that she had woken up in the middle of the night and felt like she was supposed to write me. And she just happened to find it in an old journal she hasn’t used since then; on the perfect day I needed to hear it. If THAT’S not a God thing, I just don’t know what is.

It was so comforting to know that God has been preparing for this time for a long time. He knew I would be let down and that my guard would be up - and He made sure there was someone I trusted to speak His words to me. I am exactly where I’m supposed to be. And I’m surrounded by the people I’m supposed to be with. It doesn’t mean getting here was easy, and losing people in my life was easy, but it’s all soooo worth it.

I’ve said it a thousand times since I’ve been here, but I think it’s worth repeating. :) There is something so peaceful about being right in the center or God’s will. God has transformed my heart in so many ways since being here.

I’ve also had a lot of time to reflect on my time in Bellingham after DTS and before I came here. I was really unhappy with who I was and what I was doing in my life. I was mad that I was “stuck” in Bellingham – I really wanted to be in some kind of ministry. And I had just become angry about all of the stupidest little things. I didn’t trust that things would work out. Mostly, I was just angry at myself because I knew I wasn’t living up to my potential in who God has made me to be, but I had also lost all hope and motivation to change that. And fear controlled my life. I was constantly afraid of everything: being home alone, driving at night, getting robbed, the dark, etc.

Once I got here, God flipped my world upside down in ways I cannot describe. I’m not angry anymore. I have SO much more tolerance and patience, and I KNOW that could only come from Him. I’m not scared; I feel protected. For the first time in a long time, I feel like my life is finally coming together.

I’ve recently noticed how much more joy I have in my life. Even my laugh has changed. Now it’s this really loud deep-seated, belly laugh – and I’m pretty sure my neighbors all hate me for it :) But it feels good to laugh like this again, with this pure, soul-deep joy.

I am so in love with Guatemala. Sometimes I think I was made to be here and I can’t imagine settling anywhere else. My heart is content :)

I love walking into the blue house and being smothered by a herd of little girls. I love how Wendy always walks around with her Max Lucado devotional book (in English) because she thinks it’s the Bible. I love watching Oscar lead worship and listening to the congregation worship the same God I worship back home in Northlake. I love greeting everyone with hugs and kisses on the cheek. I love holding hands with little girls and listening to their laughter all day, everyday. I love teaching people English and learning what a willingness to learn really looks like. I love looking out across our yard and seeing beautiful mountains and volcanoes. As far as I’m concerned, this is about as good as it gets.

Lately I’ve been thinking about something that happened during my third week of DTS. Our speaker had been telling us about some sacrifices that some of her friends have had to make to follow Jesus. And she asked us: “Would you be willing to do that? If God called you to go, and you knew something like that was coming, would you go?” We all sat in silence for about ten minutes before Mark stood up and made a commitment to go anywhere and give up anything if God called him to. One by one, we all stood up and made the same commitment. Afterwards we spent the next few minutes worshipping from our tables – but there was something different about the way we sang the words this time. For a lot of us, it was the first time we had ever realized WHAT we were living for. And how it really was worth it ALL.

Oh man… :) Good times.

And now, a few photos for your viewing pleasure...

Unconditional Love

I think God's unconditional love has always been so hard for me to grasp because the love I experience on earth is 100% conditional.

Whenever we talk about unconditional love in church or with friends, it always gives you a good feeling, but I don't know how many times I've really stopped to think about what that actually means and how much that truly affects me.

Looking back on elementary, middle, and high school, I had a new "best friend forever" every year. I still sometimes find notes we wrote each other: "We'll be best friends forever! I could never be without you, blahblahblah." That's good and all, but how many of those people do I still even talk to? Maybe one or two?

As humans, everything to us is so conditional. It's all about what makes us feel good in the moment. Half the time we'll listen to things people tell us that we know aren't true, but we'll still believe it anyways because it makes us feel good.

I could never count how many friends I've "just lost touch with" over the years. And for what? We started a new school year and had different classes? We didn't work together anymore? She moved 20 minutes away? She goes to a different church now?

Recently I've been really let down by someone who was once my best friend. We did everything together, told each other everything, shared our lives together, and even promised "forever." I haven't seen him since September since we're both on separate missions for six months, but two and half weeks ago, after a lot of prayer, we decided to break up. Long story short - today, the man that had once been my other half, turned a complete 180. And I'm crushed that someone could change their minds about something like LOVE in a span of about three days. What does that say to me about people?

I was sitting in my office here at The Oasis when I found out. I just started crying - I didn't really know what else to do. I wasn't mad like I thought I'd be - I was just really disappointed. I just kept saying, "I could never do that to someone. I couldn't do that." But, I guess, in all reality, I'm just as much human as he is. So, my question is, what do you do when someone promises you "forever" but ditches out as soon as something more appealing comes along?

I am thankful that I have comfort in knowing that God didn't want us together anymore - and that I had known that before all of this happened. But it still doesn't stop the hurt of how quickly someone can change their minds about you - especially about words like "forever."

As I was sitting here, I was begging God for comfort. I needed His peace. Right away, my little four-year-old, Wendy, comes wandering into the office, see's me crying, climbs into my lap, and plants the biggest kiss she can manage on my cheek. She asked me why I was crying. I told her I was just sad. She hugged me again and said, "Well, I love you." Then she sat in my lap, hugging me, kissing me, and chattering about the games she wanted to play for about an hour. Thank you, Jesus, for children.

God has just been reminding me constantly, "I will NEVER do that to you. NOTHING will ever make me change my mind." I wish I could understand this better. "Forever" to me is beginning to lose the meaning it once held.

Yesterday, during devotions, Becky and I talked with the girls about Daniel 2 and how the Bible tells us that ALL power and wisdom belong to God. He can establish kings and remove kings. We talked with them about what wisdom and power really mean and how we, as humans, think we have the power to change people around us, and make things the way we want. It was a good reminder that ALL of the power belongs to GOD. He can put things into my life and take them out at any time. But, I also know that His timing is PERFECT.

Last week, during quiet time, I asked God to "rock me." Which, really, doesn't always seem like a bright idea. Because God rocking my world means that I sometimes have to give up my own thoughts and ideas about how things are supposed to be.

Yep - this is right.

And I know eventually that will really sink in, but for now, I am living off of His amazing mercy and grace. People will let me down, but it just gives me all the more reason to cling to my perfect God.

Yeah... I'll be alright.

"Here I Go Again"

This song has challenged me so much in this last week. I find myself listening to it over and over and over again, letting the words sink in. Fear of man is such a silly thing, yet - I struggle with it more than I know.

During an evangelism seminar I went to three weeks ago, the speaker told us that a recent study had found that the number one fear of American's is the fear of speaking in front of groups of people. I find this odd since God has commanded us to "go and preach the good news." The enemy sure knows how to hold us back, eh?

Becky posted a blog about this song before me (and she's a much better writer than I am :) ) and what she said really hit home with me. Our God is so worth it.

"After listening to the lyrics, I felt like the band was right here, singing to me about the girls at The Oasis. My prayer for my time here is that every day I will OOOZE with God’s love. That it will stick to everyone I touch, see, greet, and talk with. That they will be so stuck in it that they would give up trying to run from it.The lyrics say “This might be my last chance to tell her that You love her.” We have girls constantly in and out of The Oasis, depending on the outcome of their court dates, and regardless of what the courts say, God has not guaranteed me tomorrow to show them His love. It needs to happen TODAY.Please be with me in prayer that God will shine His light through my life, so bright that no one can ignore it. That the girls will see God’s love through the way that I love them, and that they will want more."

"Here I Go Again" by Casting Crowns
Father, hear my prayer
I need the perfect words
Words that he will hear
And know they're straight from You
I don't know what to say
I only know it hurts
To see my only friend slowly fade away

Chorus: So maybe this time
I'll speak the words of life
With Your fire in my eyes
But that old familiar fear is tearin' at my words
What am I so afraid of?
'Cause here I go again
Talkin' 'bout the rain
And mullin' over things
that won't live past today
And as I dance around the truth
Time is not his friend
This might be my last chance to tell him that You love Him
But here I go again
Here I go again

Lord, You love him so
You gave Your only Son
If he will just believe
He will never die
But how then will he know
What he has never heard?
Lord he has never seen mirrored in my life

Hello, Love of My Life

Love of my life = Guatemala.

Goodness, I don't even know where to start. I have a thousand thoughts racing around in my mind constantly that I can never seem to put into words to share with people.

I'm sitting next to Becky in our office at The Oasis, eating trail mix, and for some reason trying not to cry. I've been crying a lot lately - and half the time I'm not even sad.

I think it's the renewing of passion. I am coming to realize how much passion for Jesus I've lost since YWAM.

And now, here I am; in this foreign country, with nothing left to hold onto EXCEPT for HIM. For the first time in my life, I am the minority. And, to be honest, that scares me a lot. I'm the strange American girl that can't understand half the stuff everyone says to me. I know I couldn't do this without God on my side. I just have to keep reminding myself that our God is SOOOO much bigger than a language barrier or cultural differences.

Becky and I pray together every night before bed. It's so comforting because it reminds me so much of my times with Amanda, Kristy, and Mark during DTS. We pray about the girls here, about our ministry, and anything we have on our hearts. And, of course, every night I cry. Imagine that. I am so grateful to God for bringing me here. But, I am so upset with myself that He had to take me out of my comfort zone and strip me of everything I'm used to, to get my attention.

When I first arrived in Guatemala, and especially before I left Oasis, I was dreading moving to The Oasis. I was going, "What am I doing? I don't even like kids all that much." haha. But God has changed my heart, rejuvenated me, and given me strength.

I. AM. SO. HAPPY. HERE.

The girls are beyond amazing. I got assigned to the Blue House and was blessed to spend my days with seven of the most wonderful little girls you could ever imagine. Tonya (2), Wendy (4), Melanie (6), Jaqueline (8), Maria (9), Doris (11), and Viki (14). Everytime I walk into the house they'll swamp me, wanting hugs and kisses. I'm sure this will all wear off after I'm here for awhile, but none the less, I love it. Wendy is just the cutest little four year old in the worldddd. All she ever wants to do is sit in my lap, kiss my cheek as long and hard as she can, and give me big hugs! Everytime I'm playing with the girls and eating meals with them, I just thank God for this culture and the people of Guatemala.

Speaking of - I think Oscar deserves a spot in this blog. Oscar is a good friend of the family from Guatemala City. And I think I owe a lot of this whole "new regaining of passion" from him. Oscar lives what he preaches. He is a man that shines like Jesus in ways I've never seen before. Often when I get frustrated, tired, lazy, etc., I just think, "What would Oscar do?" Oscar would put himself aside and love on everyone around him. He has this way of making each and every person in the room feel like the most important person alive. He's my hero.

Oscar and I celebrating mine and Cory's birthdays last weekend!
Unfortunetly this picture portrays us perfectly, haha.

My spanish is coming along as well as can be expected, I guess. Being here has made it all the more clear to me at just how much a month of language school helped set a good foundation for me. And I'll continue to study while I'm here.

Becky and I are starting English classes next week for the "Tias" and any teacher or staff member here that would like to attend. They all want to learn english so badly and since Becky and I will be here for five and six months, what a fantastic opportunity to get them started! I am so, so, so excited to start these classes!!

I find it impossible to write good blogs. I apologize to you all - just know that God is doing amazing things in this small compound way up high in the mountain in San Lucas, Guatemala. And I intend to live that out for as long as I live.

I promise I'll update soon with more touching, sensible, informative updates. :)

All my love,
Kimberly

Rock My World

God is sooooo in control.

My roommates and I went to a HUGE kite festival in Santiago yesterday and on the drive home, I couldn’t stop thanking God for his provision. I feel SO blessed to be here – and His timing is PERFECT (imagine that).

These last three weeks have changed me in ways I could never explain. God has been giving me so much peace and joy – and He is changing me from the inside out. I truly feel like a different person than when I got here three weeks ago. My outlook on this six month trip is so different, in a much more positive way.


I really am so happy in Antigua. In the afternoons, I’ll usually walk for hours and every day I fall more and more in love with the people and culture of Latin America.

A few days ago, I was walking home and there was a huge crowd of local men standing on the sidewalks and spilling into the street. When I got closer I saw about 20-25 police officers running around with their massive guns, kicking doors in and evacuating the houses in the area, obviously searching for someone. I stood watching for about 3 minutes before remembering I wasn’t watching The Bourne Identity or something and that I should probably leave.

It turns out four armed men broke into a house and stole a lot of stuff and the police only captured one. So the other three men when running away ON THE ROOF TOPS. Well, yeah that kind of freaked me out a little bit. But that only lasted 3.5 seconds and then I was happy as a clam again.

One of the missionaries from YWAM living in Antigua right now was robbed at gunpoint by her tuc-tuc (spelling?) driver last week. I guess that's the reality of it down here. But spending your whole life being scared isn't going to help you in any way.

During my first week in Antigua, I was a little scared. And let’s be honest, there is a lot to be afraid of down here. Guatemala isn’t exactly the safest place in the world. Especially for a single white female. But God has filled me with so much peace since then. Even when all the strange men honk at me and yell things (solely because of the color of my skin), I feel so protected. And I can honestly say that even IF something happened to me, that’s okay, too. If I die, it’s because God’s ready for me in Heaven. If someone breaks into my house and steals everything I own, God will provide everything I need again.

There is something so peaceful about being right in God’s will for your life. Without a doubt in my mind, this is where I’m supposed to be.

On the flight down here a month ago, for the first time in my entire life, I was saying, “Okay, God, just give me a 9 to 5 job in Bellingham and a comfortable apartment with clean food, and I’ll be happy. Just don’t make me live here.” Making transitions into uncomfortable situations is never easy for anyone. But I take that all back now. “Okay, God, you can call me to live here, again.” (This is me pretending that God listens to the plans I make for my life.)

I’ve survived three weeks of Spanish school! I passed my test for Grado A (97.5%) so I moved up a level! I love my teacher, Lucy, and the school. As frustrating as it is sometimes, feeling like I’ll never get it, it has been a really rewarding experience and I know I’ve learned a lot since moving here.

My roommates here have been AMAZING and I could not thank God enough for bringing us all together like this. They have helped make my experience in Antigua so fantastic. We’ve been together for about two weeks now and strangely enough, we’re all leaving at the same time next weekend. The five of us have gotten along so well and one of my favorite parts of the day is sitting with the four of them for hours after dinner, talking and laughing.

Katy is from Iowa, and she’s incredible. She came to Guatemala after she was traveling and volunteering in Mexico when a flashflood wiped out nearly everything she brought with her. She’s a leader in so many ways. She’s strong, wise, and always thinking of others before herself. Myr is from Colorado and she is one of the most open minded and positive people I’ve ever met. Jenny is from Norway, and she definitely has the gift of bringing people together. She’s always got fantastic stories to tell and she is just a genuine, solid person. Kennet is from Denmark – we love Kennet because he’s forced to live with four girls and he’s still always smiling. Kennet has this way of laughing at everything you say like you’re the wittiest person in the world. He’s fantastic.

On el dia de los muertos, my roommates and I traveled about 45 minutes to Santiago to see the massive kites (barriletes) that we've heard so much about. What a beautiful holiday! The different brotherhoods spend 40 days working together to make these beautiful, massive works of art. And thousands of people come together to celebrate in the cemetary and to eat meals with their dead relatives.

A family eating in the cemetary

It has been such a blessing meeting and making friends with some locals, as well. I’ve gotten to know a few YWAMers down here which is beyond wonderful! I went to an evangelism seminar at YWAM last Saturday and it helped me regain so much of my motivation that I’ve lost since DTS.

One guy I’ve met down here has forever changed me. His name is Juan Luis and he has an incredible testimony. He used to be a devout Mormon when he found Christ. I’m not going to go into the whole story, but he was able to do a DTS last year, after God provided the funds even when it seemed impossible, and Juan Luis is now a man that just shines like Jesus Christ. He is so filled with love and compassion. I feel blessed to have met him.

Last week, God spoke to me clearly about a HUGE change that I needed to make in my life. We wrestled back and forth for awhile before it became clear to me that I was losing. After letting go of something that has become nearly everything to me, I prayed that God would fill me with peace about it. I told Him that I was acting out in obedience and though I wasn’t super pleased with Him about it; I expected His help to get me through it. And God has provided that and more in ways I could have never imagined. I still get sad when I think about it and once in awhile I’ll cry, but I have no doubt that God is in control. And though He loves me and wants the best for me, it won’t always be easy and I will be forced to give up some of my own ideas and dreams. Psalms 29:11 has taken on a whole new meaning in my life in the last few weeks

“The Lord gives his people strength.
The Lord blesses them with peace.”

Last weekend my Mom told me to read Psalm 86 – and since then, that has been the cry of my heart. I have found so much peace in God’s Word! There’s something about being thrown out of your comfort zone, that throws you into God’s arms.

So, I’m on my last week in Antigua, before joining Becky up at the Oasis! I’m getting more and more excited everyday to meet all the girls and to be with Becky again!

Prayer Requests:
*Please continue to pray for my health. I went to the Doctor two weeks ago and got some medicine – please pray that the medicine does the trick so that I don’t have to go back in for more tests and so I can feel better!
*Please pray for my transition from Antigua to The Oasis.

Praises:
*God’s amazing and unimaginable provision, peace, and joy!
*At YWAM Antigua’s Halloween service last Friday, about 8-9 people accepted Christ! Please pray for them as they begin a new relationship with our Lord!!


All My Love,
Kimberly