Whenever we talk about unconditional love in church or with friends, it always gives you a good feeling, but I don't know how many times I've really stopped to think about what that actually means and how much that truly affects me.
Looking back on elementary, middle, and high school, I had a new "best friend forever" every year. I still sometimes find notes we wrote each other: "We'll be best friends forever! I could never be without you, blahblahblah." That's good and all, but how many of those people do I still even talk to? Maybe one or two?
As humans, everything to us is so conditional. It's all about what makes us feel good in the moment. Half the time we'll listen to things people tell us that we know aren't true, but we'll still believe it anyways because it makes us feel good.
I could never count how many friends I've "just lost touch with" over the years. And for what? We started a new school year and had different classes? We didn't work together anymore? She moved 20 minutes away? She goes to a different church now?
Recently I've been really let down by someone who was once my best friend. We did everything together, told each other everything, shared our lives together, and even promised "forever." I haven't seen him since September since we're both on separate missions for six months, but two and half weeks ago, after a lot of prayer, we decided to break up. Long story short - today, the man that had once been my other half, turned a complete 180. And I'm crushed that someone could change their minds about something like LOVE in a span of about three days. What does that say to me about people?
I was sitting in my office here at The Oasis when I found out. I just started crying - I didn't really know what else to do. I wasn't mad like I thought I'd be - I was just really disappointed. I just kept saying, "I could never do that to someone. I couldn't do that." But, I guess, in all reality, I'm just as much human as he is. So, my question is, what do you do when someone promises you "forever" but ditches out as soon as something more appealing comes along?
I am thankful that I have comfort in knowing that God didn't want us together anymore - and that I had known that before all of this happened. But it still doesn't stop the hurt of how quickly someone can change their minds about you - especially about words like "forever."
As I was sitting here, I was begging God for comfort. I needed His peace. Right away, my little four-year-old, Wendy, comes wandering into the office, see's me crying, climbs into my lap, and plants the biggest kiss she can manage on my cheek. She asked me why I was crying. I told her I was just sad. She hugged me again and said, "Well, I love you." Then she sat in my lap, hugging me, kissing me, and chattering about the games she wanted to play for about an hour. Thank you, Jesus, for children.
God has just been reminding me constantly, "I will NEVER do that to you. NOTHING will ever make me change my mind." I wish I could understand this better. "Forever" to me is beginning to lose the meaning it once held.
Yesterday, during devotions, Becky and I talked with the girls about Daniel 2 and how the Bible tells us that ALL power and wisdom belong to God. He can establish kings and remove kings. We talked with them about what wisdom and power really mean and how we, as humans, think we have the power to change people around us, and make things the way we want. It was a good reminder that ALL of the power belongs to GOD. He can put things into my life and take them out at any time. But, I also know that His timing is PERFECT.
Last week, during quiet time, I asked God to "rock me." Which, really, doesn't always seem like a bright idea. Because God rocking my world means that I sometimes have to give up my own thoughts and ideas about how things are supposed to be.
Yep - this is right.
And I know eventually that will really sink in, but for now, I am living off of His amazing mercy and grace. People will let me down, but it just gives me all the more reason to cling to my perfect God.
Yeah... I'll be alright.
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